Sex and Surrender

In instructions of spiritual nature we are commonly advised to let go, to surrender, to die away from, to empty ourselves, and so on. This seems to be the one trick before all others. Even the “Thy will be done” of our Lord's prayer, points to this letting go. I recently came to think about a situation, which could shed some light over what it is to let go. It is hopefully a situation which people can relate to, and a context in which many of us have had some kind of experience with surrendering. Let's talk about sex for a while.

From the perspective of a heterosexual male: When young (typically) and inexperienced, we tend to perform the sexual act with a lot of ideas and demands upon ourselves. We want to make an impression, and we want our partner to be a hundred percent satisfied with what we do (in bed). There is nervousness about keeping it up, doing it right, and finishing off too early. There might be concerns about length, looks, and tons of other stuff which may cause rigidity (of the undesired sort).

As important as these initiations are, they usually don't live up to our later ideas of great sex. However, with experience, and especially in lasting sexual relationships, we begin to relax about it. We learn to know that we are able. We have had some peak moments, and some rather mundane episodes as well. Having sex is no longer such a big deal, and if we don't manage to bring our partner to orgasm it is not the end or the world.

It may then happen that we manage to enter the sexual act without presumptions, or demands on ourselves or our partner. It may be that we trust our bodies to know what to do, and then we simply let go into it. At that moment we become sex – we become the love in sex. It is no longer a matter of you performing sex, but sex is performing you. This is where, in the midst of true ecstasy, you surprise yourself with having multiple ejection-free orgasms, and sounding like a werewolf. It is a ride, rather than a work towards that final reward.

Sex of course is typically rather pleasant, and it is therefore comparatively easy to let go into, but those who have this experience might benefit from it in other situations as well. There are some things that must fall into place for letting go to happen. We have to drop our demands on others, and reality itself. We have to trust the Universe and ourselves to know what to do, and we must know that if things don't go the way we like them to, it isn't the end of the world. In the sexual act we are hopefully present enough to forget our calendars and worldly concerns for a while, and that goes for other situations too. If we wish to experience surrender, we can't keep the whole world on our shoulders while hoping for it to happen.

Letting go is not an act. It is not something that you do. It is what happens when you no longer protect yourself, when you no longer try to control the world, when you no longer demand things of the world, and when you no longer fear the result of that lack of action on your part. Shortly put; it is Faith.

We may feel as we are welcoming, open, and okay with the situation, but when you happen upon a highlight in meditation, or a change of perspective during a silent retreat, it becomes more than obvious that in our normal mode of daily life, the vast majority of us is in constant protection, constant distrust, and constant manipulation of the world and others.

Without a doubt; There is a terrible and humongous need of letting go. This, we can all practice.